Stating your opinion is important to create trust and foster constructive debates. But asserting yourself is not as easy as it seems. How can you disagree or tackle a sensitive subject without jeopardizing the relationship?
01
Reconsider the opinion you have of yourself
Feeling legitimate is a great asset to talking clearly but not aggressively.
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Build a list of all the reasons why your opinion should be taken into consideration, e.g. This decision concerns me; I have certain knowledge on the topic…
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Progress through small, little steps, e.g. First learn to assert your point of view on topics of lesser stake.
02
Try to understand the other’s perspective
Don’t try to «win»: focus on understanding the other’s perspective, and make yours understood.
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Refrain from judging too quickly, e.g. A stakeholder who doesn’t agree with your opinion is not necessarily «against you».
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Try to see the situation from your counterpart’s perspective, e.g. Should you be sitting in your counterpart’s chair, what would you say to the person sitting in your chair?
Take action
Make sure you have a positive enough opinion of yourself and of your counterpart? (5 min)
The manner in which we approach our relationship with our counterparts has a determining impact on the quality of the exchanges.
Think of your next meeting: in what mindset are you approaching it? Do you think your opinion matters more, or less, than that of your counterpart? Do you intend to impose your perspective at all costs, or on the contrary, are you afraid to have ideas imposed that are not yours?
How can you improve the image of yourself or of your counterpart to approach the exchange with a positive mindset? It’s by acknowledging that two persons can have different points of view, but each can contribute something, that’s how the most enriching relationships are built.
Seize the opportunity to assert yourself without risks (10 min)
It is through practice that you develop the capacity to express your point of view firmly, but without aggressiveness.
Spot in your calendar a meeting or an interview with a moderate stake, during which you would like to express an opinion that is not necessarily consensual.
Prepare your argument ahead of time. Rehearse with a trusted person to ensure that your arguments are clear and properly built.
Put yourself in a positive state of mind: your objective is to share your point of view, not necessarily to obtain everyone’s agreement. Be mentally prepared not to give in to aggressiveness.
Once the meeting is over, take the time to analyze what went well and what you would do differently the next time. Quickly plan a second training session at a higher stake.
Adopt an assertive posture (15 min)
The impact of our words stems as much from the assurance with which we express them as it does from their true relevance.
During a presentation or a meeting, demand feedback on your non-verbal language from a person you trust. When you talk, do you hesitate, or on the contrary, are you too self-assured?
Take this feedback into account to prepare your next interview. Rehearse in front of a mirror or record yourself to watch the impact you are making. Make a note of one or two points that you particularly want to address. E.g., a gesture that conveys your anxiousness.
Just before the interview, stay alone for a few minutes to put on the “power posture”: stand straight on your two legs, swell out your chest and bend slightly forward. The hormonal influx of this posture brings a significant increase in assurance.
Practical Tips
> Develop your assertiveness to improve your interpersonal relationships (opens in a new window)
> Dare to assert your point of view
Find out more
> Self-confidence: a professional quality to be developed
© Managéris